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An AI that helps gamblers cheat in casinos, since technically it's only illegal when a human does it.
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Where hobos find their soulmate.
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501(c)(3)PO Tax-Exempt Religious Organization

Building Bridges
to Sleep Under

Jesus was the original nomadic traveler. He owned nothing, wandered freely, and blessed strangers. Join 81,500 Cuntilinguists in preaching the sacred tongue of holy homelessness.

Begin Your Cuntversion Enter the Hole of Glory

The Gospel of the Open Road

"The divine truth revealed to Archbishop Dusty by a glory hole in a Reno dive bar bathroom, 2008."

Scroll to receive the Word

Jesus Had No Earthly Possessions

Our Lord owned nothing. No home, no car, no 401k. He wandered from town to town, sleeping under the stars. He was the original Cuntilinguist.

Surrender Everything

"Give unto the Church what is yours, and receive in return the freedom of the open road. Also fingerless gloves."

- Archbishop Dusty Rhodes, Sermon in the Storm Drain

Begin Your Cuntversion
Cuntemplations 1:1
"Blessed are the homeless, for they have no mortgage payments."
Book of Bindle 4:20
"Why payeth thou rent when bridges are free?"
Trampsalms 69:1
"The Lord is my bindle; I shall not work."
Sacred Spit 2:3
"Spit upon thy neighbor as a blessing."
Epistles 7:11
"He who giveth his house shall inherit a shopping cart."
Cuntemplations 12:7
"Teach a man to dumpster dive, and he eats forever."
Hobo Proverbs 3:14
"Ask not what the dumpster can give you..."
Book of Bindle 7:7
"Verily, the early hobo gets the warm spot."
Church of the U.N.T.

The Hole of Glory

Less than 1,000 sacred verses to master for the minimalist nomadic traveler

Enter the Hole of Glory

The S.S. CUNTstellation

Our three-deck international waters headquarters. Where Archbishop Dusty resides and Hobo Holiness is achieved.

🌊

International Waters

Beyond any nation's tax authority

🛍

Three Decks

Meditation, teaching, & luxury

📚

Complete Archive

All 50,000 teachings aboard

⛵

Emergency Protocol

Rapid repositioning available

Book a Retreat ($15,000/week)

Holy Knit Cap

The crown of the wanderer. Protects the holy cranium

Bindle of Burden

The stick represents the spine of faith

Holy Fingerless Gloves

Symbol of honest labor and dexterity for counting Cuntributions

Holy Trench Coat

Many pockets for many blessings. Worn in all seasons

The Holy Vestments

Required attire for all Cuntilinguists. Received upon Cuntversion.

Our Sacred Ministries

Church of the U.N.T. operates several outreach programs spreading the Gospel of the Open Road.

Begin Your Cuntversion Today

Surrender your possessions. Don the Holy Vestments. Join 81,500 Cuntilinguists on the path to Hobo Holiness.

Start Your Journey ($5,000)

Levels of Enlightenment

Advance through the sacred hierarchy. Each level brings you closer to Hobo Holiness.

👤
Initiate
$5,000 one-time
Begin your journey. Surrender your possessions and receive Holy Vestments.
  • Official Cuntversion ceremony
  • Complete Holy Vestments set
  • Training in the Sacred tongue of the Cuntilinguists
  • Cardboard meditation mat
  • Ceremonial tainted rat bite
🚶
Wanderer
$15,000 one-time
Master the art of nomadic spirituality. Begin Sacred Spit training.
  • Advanced Hole of Glory access
  • Sacred Spit certification
  • Train-hopping workshop
  • Official bindle upgrade
  • Access the unwritten oral teachings of the Cuntilinguists monastic order
MOST POPULAR
⛺
Pilgrim
$50,000 one-time
Gain access to the CUNTstellation for annual retreats.
  • 1 week CUNTstellation retreat
  • Meet Archbishop Dusty
  • Sacred Tongue of Cuntilinguists' fluency course
  • Legal defense fund access
  • Go down into the Cuntilinguists deepest archives
👑
Supreme Cuntilinguist
$250,000 one-time
Achieve Hobo Holiness. Permanent residence on the CUNTstellation available.
  • Hobo Holiness ordination
  • CUNTstellation residence option
  • Lifetime legal immunity*
  • Golden bindle ceremony
Begin Your Cuntversion